


Why Can't We Have Nice Things?

by chocolafied, LunaTheLoneWolf



Series: Crack Creed [14]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, But Hey That's Normal, Dinner, Ezio Will Probably Kill me Later, Gen, I Will Go Down With This Ship, OTP Feels, Parody, This Might Happen, at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2301341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolafied/pseuds/chocolafied, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaTheLoneWolf/pseuds/LunaTheLoneWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normal "dinner dates" don't involve tying one down to a chair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Can't We Have Nice Things?

**Author's Note:**

> Ezio wrote this. She will most likely kill me later for posting this. I swear though, as soon as I meet her Sofia face-to-face, this probably will happen.

**Characters in this story:**

 

* * *

                Ezio’s eye wouldn’t stop twitching. And the rope that was wrapped around her was beginning to dig into her skin. Sofia sighed tiredly and looked up at her after serving himself another mouthful of pasta. “Can’t you at least _try_ to enjoy yourself?”

                The brunette glared coldly at him and tried to get out of her bindings again. “No.”

                The wry smile he gave her indicated he shared her sentiments. But then again, he wasn’t the one hog tied to a chair in a restaurant after being forced there by her supposed “friends”.

                From here on out, she would fly solo with her recruits and no one else. Maybe even set up her own base elsewhere. And the most pitiful part about it was the fact she was close to tears at the moment. Not only was she stripped of all of her weapons and forced to sit there while refusing to eat, her alleged friends were hiding in a nearby shrub doing nothing but giggling at the sight and even taking a few candid photos to mark the occasion.

                So here she was. Forced to starve and endure this hell of what they called a “date” until they decided to let her go. No consideration for what if she had to use the bathroom either. Or her opinion for that matter.

                “What will it take for you to relax?” he asked her.

                Ezio turned to look at him, her eyes stinging and beginning to be puffy around the rims. “You could pay me _all_ the chocolate in this _GOD FORSAKEN CITY_ and I _still_ wouldn’t want to be here.”

                Sofia snickered. “Figures you would be stubborn as a mule about this.”

                Ezio scoffed and glared at him. “Don’t act like you’re the innocent one, here.”

                He raised his hands in the air while his eyes widened. “The only reason I agreed was so that I wouldn’t be like… _well_.” The look he gave her finished his sentence for him.

                “What time are they letting us take a piss?”

                Sofia shrugged. “I think we can leave after we finish our five course meal here.”

                The girl groaned and threw her head back. “Figures Yusuf would—”

                “That was Cat’s idea, actually,” he punctuated before eating more pasta.

                “You’re still not helping.”

                “I never was, _Darling._ ” He glared at the completely normal bush about twenty feet away from them that could be heard snickering quietly.

                Ezio turned to look at the bush before looking back at her untouched soup. The man sitting across from her looked at the steaming hot meal before back at the woman. “You might want to eat it before it gets cold?”

                “ _HOW?_ ” her voice rose in volume and some people turned to see what the commotion was. “Lapping it up like a dog?”

                Sofia sighed again. “This really is worse than I thought it to be.”

                The brunette rolled her eyes. “ _Obviously_.”

                Meanwhile, from the bush, Leonardo looked up at Yusuf with a disappointed look. “She doesn’t like being cornered.”

                “She’s _not_ ,” came the assassin’s short reply.

                “Doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel like it…”

                “You know how long they’ve been dancing around each other like awkward robots that don’t work right in the shops?”

                Leo rolled her eyes and snapped another picture. “More than you’ve been informed.”

                “VERMIN!” one woman shrieked. “SOMEONE CALL THE MANAGER!”  It turns out that the owner of that voice was none other than the trapped assassin herself, now yelling and raving at the top of her lungs.

                Yusuf smacked her head with the palm of her hand. “Seriously?”

                Cersa snickered. “This is getting _good_.” She snapped another picture to prove her point.

                The trio in the shrub then heard a distinct whistling sound. Yusuf froze. “Oh, no.”

                She spotted Ezio’s recruits, one of them ironically being “Baby Bird”, the one who was incarcerated last week by his very own “Mama Bird” for being too clingy. The other one was another one of the woman’s fledglings that was still learning the basics. Baby Bird threw down a smoke bomb and the whole restaurant began coughing and hacking as the smoke invaded their lungs.

                “Dammit!” Yusuf cursed. She jumped out of the bush first, using her Eagle Vision to see Sofia grabbing Ezio’s wrist as they both ran for the front entrance. When the smoke cleared, the pair plus the recruits were gone.

                The assassin approached the table cautiously, wary of any traps that awaited her. When she reached Ezio’s seat, she saw a small card on her chair.

                _‘Yusuf. Chet e pozzino ammazzaa._

_Ezio Auditore da Firenze & Sofia Sartor.’_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ezio: OMG YUSUF WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY? D:
> 
> Yusuf: 'Cause I felt like it? .3.
> 
> Ezio: -crying in a corner-
> 
> Yusuf: Ugh... Feed back is awesome, flames will be used to keep them from escaping next time.
> 
> Ezio: YUSUF!


End file.
